European Studies is GREAT! I wholeheartedly suggest it to anyone who is graduating from college and doesn't know what to do. ESPECIALLY if you can get funded. Heck, if my life doesn't go anywhere (ok, I shouldn't state that passively... if I don't get my shite in gear), *I* might be doing European studies next year!
If it weren't for European studies, I wouldn't have been here tonight. Ok, it's technically not even a club. For me though, it may as well be. And tonight I learned:
1) I am possibly the only guy in London who knows the words to "Baby I Got Your Money".
2) I am CERTAINLY the only guy in London who has seen "Dolemite." (though not been skiing in the Dolemites)
3) East German girls know how to shake it. Not to marching music either.
4) Do NOT touch West German girls if they don't want to be touched. I have to explain that lest you think I'm a welsher. Some dude (not me) put his arms around a West German girl, and she pushed him away so violently, that he almost fell to the ground.
5) Bulgarian girls can be EVERY bit as exotic as any sort of Asian girl. Dovizhdane Kitayski!
6) There are many mitigating factors that can make the night bus tolerable.
For one thing, one of my favorite stock characters is always there.
There are certain archetypes that I consistently run into in London. One of them, for example, is the (usually Asian) girl banging her suitcase trying to drag it up the stairs of the entrance to the tube. This girl will be grunting and trying to look as pathetic as possible. She is not even necessarily attractive...all girls can pull this off. She will also perfidiously make friendly eye contact with every guy who walks by until someone takes her luggage up the stairs. That some guy has often been me. Not that I've ever asked for a phone number or in ANY way behaved egregiously under these circumstances. (not that I've GOTTEN a phone number either)
Well, I don't do it anymore. One day, I was in a bit of a hurry... SO much so that I wasn't even scanning people's faces. Suitcase girl was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. (On this day, she turned out to be (white) Australian) So without even looking at her, I grabbed her suitcase and vaulted up the steps. When I got to the top and was fumbling in my pocket for my ticket to get out the gate (yeah you need them to get both in AND out of the tube. She caught up to me. She had friends with her! (Who could have helped with her luggage!) They said to her, "Wow you got up here quick!" And I heard heard her say, in the most patronizing voice possible, "Yeah, I had a little helper." At this point, I looked at her face and she WAS rather comely, and I was rather pissed. So now, she can carry her own luggage.
The relevant character tonight is drunk on the night bus girl. This girl is almost always Northern European. She is with friends... usually a solitary girlfriend, though sometimes two guys who are both vying for her favors. Her makeup is smeared, her clothes disheveled, and her hair mussed from coming into very close contact with far too many people in some club. This only makes her marginally less attractive. What makes her REALLY unattractive is her coarse (and vulgar) body language, slurred speech, and the doner kebab and fries she is eating and spilling all over the floor (and likely all over me). She is so drunk that she can't stand up for more that 3 seconds. She flops across the bus everytime it turns a corner, starts, or stops. Eventually, she sits down on the floor. At this point, I usually feel sorry for her and offer her my seat. She generally takes it without acknowleding me, and then spends the rest of the bus trip giggling at the double entendres of the Brit potheads sitting across from me. Then she'll step on my feet on her way off the bus and block me from retaking my seat so one of the stoners gets it.
Luckily, tonight she was French and cackling profusely while spraying beer everywhere (no open container laws here). But at least the two guys with her weren't about to let her get far enough away from them to take a seat. Not even a sucker's seat.
??/??/? De Profundis?!?!?!?!??!
If it weren't for European studies, I wouldn't have been here tonight. Ok, it's technically not even a club. For me though, it may as well be. And tonight I learned:
1) I am possibly the only guy in London who knows the words to "Baby I Got Your Money".
2) I am CERTAINLY the only guy in London who has seen "Dolemite." (though not been skiing in the Dolemites)
3) East German girls know how to shake it. Not to marching music either.
4) Do NOT touch West German girls if they don't want to be touched. I have to explain that lest you think I'm a welsher. Some dude (not me) put his arms around a West German girl, and she pushed him away so violently, that he almost fell to the ground.
5) Bulgarian girls can be EVERY bit as exotic as any sort of Asian girl. Dovizhdane Kitayski!
6) There are many mitigating factors that can make the night bus tolerable.
For one thing, one of my favorite stock characters is always there.
There are certain archetypes that I consistently run into in London. One of them, for example, is the (usually Asian) girl banging her suitcase trying to drag it up the stairs of the entrance to the tube. This girl will be grunting and trying to look as pathetic as possible. She is not even necessarily attractive...all girls can pull this off. She will also perfidiously make friendly eye contact with every guy who walks by until someone takes her luggage up the stairs. That some guy has often been me. Not that I've ever asked for a phone number or in ANY way behaved egregiously under these circumstances. (not that I've GOTTEN a phone number either)
Well, I don't do it anymore. One day, I was in a bit of a hurry... SO much so that I wasn't even scanning people's faces. Suitcase girl was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. (On this day, she turned out to be (white) Australian) So without even looking at her, I grabbed her suitcase and vaulted up the steps. When I got to the top and was fumbling in my pocket for my ticket to get out the gate (yeah you need them to get both in AND out of the tube. She caught up to me. She had friends with her! (Who could have helped with her luggage!) They said to her, "Wow you got up here quick!" And I heard heard her say, in the most patronizing voice possible, "Yeah, I had a little helper." At this point, I looked at her face and she WAS rather comely, and I was rather pissed. So now, she can carry her own luggage.
The relevant character tonight is drunk on the night bus girl. This girl is almost always Northern European. She is with friends... usually a solitary girlfriend, though sometimes two guys who are both vying for her favors. Her makeup is smeared, her clothes disheveled, and her hair mussed from coming into very close contact with far too many people in some club. This only makes her marginally less attractive. What makes her REALLY unattractive is her coarse (and vulgar) body language, slurred speech, and the doner kebab and fries she is eating and spilling all over the floor (and likely all over me). She is so drunk that she can't stand up for more that 3 seconds. She flops across the bus everytime it turns a corner, starts, or stops. Eventually, she sits down on the floor. At this point, I usually feel sorry for her and offer her my seat. She generally takes it without acknowleding me, and then spends the rest of the bus trip giggling at the double entendres of the Brit potheads sitting across from me. Then she'll step on my feet on her way off the bus and block me from retaking my seat so one of the stoners gets it.
Luckily, tonight she was French and cackling profusely while spraying beer everywhere (no open container laws here). But at least the two guys with her weren't about to let her get far enough away from them to take a seat. Not even a sucker's seat.
??/??/? De Profundis?!?!?!?!??!
posted by akrites @ 1:07 PM
1 Comments:
At 2:25 PM,
Anonymous said…
how did i know that you'd find a way to comment on the euro-rasp[y]?
and you SHOULD be PROUD that you're the only guy who knows the words; it's a classic!
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